“Trump Administration recovered lost Comey memos from book editor’s cutting room floor…”
April
27th, 2018 FNN has received unverified transcripts from unknown aide
in the Trump Administration that were recovered from the book publisher of
former FBI Director James Comey’s new reveal-it-all book that draws from the
former Director’s notes and memos. According to the unknown Trump aide, these
excerpts were too controversial and could possibly help exonerate President
Trump from the Russian Election Interference investigation.
This
excerpt does not have a verified date and time of the occurrence, but it is
listed as: “one of the many face-to-face meetings President Trump had requested
of the FBI Director Comey”
It was late in the day, and I had begun to prepare myself to leave my office in Washington DC and head back to my home residence there, when I was interrupted with a vibration notification on my cell phone. It was a text message from President Trump, it read, “Hey take a look at this video Barron made, the kid is a better computer hacker than any Russian (a smiley face emoji was placed at the end of text)”
Due to my respect of the office of President, I decided I had to open the link and view what it contained. The link opened the media player on my smartphone and began a video that shown Trump in one of his television wrestling appearances, except the one wrestler that Trump was pretending to beat up had a superimposed “Fake News” icon in place of the wrestler’s head.
My phone vibrated again with a text notification, it
was another one from President Trump, “What
do you think?! Pretty kewl, right???”
I hesitated for a moment, I was unsure how to respond, but due to my ultimate respect for democracy and office of President, I reluctantly replied. “That is a very impressive faux beating you put on the scoundrel, sir.”
I had hoped that the opulent compliment would be enough to satisfy the President, I proceeded to go on my way to my DC residence. Then my phone vibrated, again. It was another text message from the President. “No not fox news, FAKE NEWS, bruh! Hey could you stop by my office I got a surprise for you (a winky face emoji ended the text) And no it’s not the Wookie Fart Girl (a bigger smiley emoji ended this sentence).”
I mentally winced from being reminded of the memory of the strangely attractive slightly over-weight Wookie Fart Girl video that the President had shown me, before. I replied back to his text: “I was not expecting nor do I desire to see the Wookie Fart Girl, again, sir. I am on my way.”
I didn’t want to go to see the President, I had a feeling I already knew what this meeting would be about. But it was my duty to serve the office of the President, so I proceeded to make my way to his office. I was escorted into the Oval Office and found myself alone with the President. On his desk was a gift bag. The President made a gesture that this was for me. I walked over to it and hesitantly pulled out the contents. The gift bag contents were a baseball hat that had some lettering on it that said, “F.B.I” on the front and then on the back it had text embroidered that read, “Female Body Inspector”. The other gift was a tee-shirt that had some graphics on it that also stated “F.B.I.” on the front, then on the back it had a design of perky female breasts and lettering that read, “Federal Bewbie Inspector”.
I was puzzled with the tee-shirt, I had to ask the President what “bewbie” meant.
The President replied, “Boobs! Come on we can’t have you walking around in public with a shirt that says Boobs we need to think about the kids and keep it classy!” The President found my confusion and lack of knowledge of the slang term to be extremely funny.
I informed the President that I would have to decline the offer of his gift as it would be unethical for me to accept it with the ongoing investigation. I then told the President I felt that I should end this meeting and go home due to it being late in the evening.
The President replied, “Stop being a prude and pull the stick out of your ass! Come on this was just good fun. I need to talk to you about something else. I want to ask you if you have seen the pee tape?”
I informed the President, again, that I cannot divulge any information on evidence of an ongoing investigation. I am not sure if the President has been forgetting our past conversations of the subject or if he does not care.
The President seemed to get irritated with my response. He pressured me more, “Okay, just tell me if you like the blonde or the brunet, you don’t have to even mention the pee tape.”
I informed the President I did not have any information I could divulge about the incident he was referring to. I then proceeded to exit the Oval Office.
The President asked I wait a moment then added, “Okay, maybe the other one was a redhead, it was hard for me to see clearly… Either way it wasn’t real, Okay? Just look at the computer hacking Barron can do with the wrestling video. It would be easy for some overweight libtard hacker who lives in his parent’s basement to create some fake pee tape video. So, if you did see a pee tape, it is definitely fake, okay? I mean, you can wink, cough, whatever, just let me know if you have seen it.”
I felt I had to immediately end the awkward meeting, and I was careful to leave without coughing or winking and bid the President farewell.
Before I exited the Oval Office, the President added, “Okay, if that’s how you are going to be… I guess I will just have to find somebody else to be my Director of the Federal Bewbie Inspectors… I mean the hat can fit anybody and the shirt is an XXL so I think it could fit Christie, but he would be the Federal Moobie Inspector!”
The President laughed out loud at his own crude jokes as I left the Oval Office.
The unnamed Trump aide stated that this missing memo is one of many left out of Comey’s book because as you can clearly read it completely proves there was no collusion with the Russians and Trump.
