Fake News Network

 “President Trump calls for new DACA bill to be one of love!”

In another first time historic event on January ninth, President Donald Trump met with a bipartisan group of house members in DC and invited a small group of reporters to watch the negotiations take place in real time. During that meeting President Trump showed he is more than willing to reach out to Democrats and work to bring legislation to law that will benefit American’s first. One of the key elements of this negotiation which the fake news media doesn’t want Americans to see, is the caring empathic side of President Trump. He expressed it greatly during the historic bipartisan meeting by declaring he wanted the new DACA bill to be one of love and added words of encouragement to everyone in the meeting with “we can do it!” 

We were able to ask President Trump if he could further elaborate on what he meant of making a “bill of love” as he exited the negotiations on his way to fulfill his extremely busy Executive Time schedule responsibility. 

“Well its really very simple, we want some type of vetting system to make sure we get the best and most beautiful people. It’s not a bad thing, even Canada uses a type of point system to ensure they get great people.” President Trump went on to further explain, “I think a point system like we wanted to implement earlier is the way to go, but I want to further simplify it… I think the earlier version had too many numbers, I was thinking a 1-10 system would make more sense. I mean, really, you only need two numbers, just nine and tens mostly.” 

The President went on to explain citing real world examples, “Just look at England, they take anybody! That’s not good, now they got a bunch of bucktooth uggos runny around, and nobody likes that.” The President then spoke of current events to further validate his stance, “Everybody knows England is full of uggos, just ask Prince Harry. He couldn’t find any good looking women in England so he found one in America. And let’s be honest, Meghan Markle in England is a strong eight or nine. But in America she is a seven at best.” The President also added, “She does have great teeth, a beautiful smile, Prince Harry should ask about her dentist.” 

President Trump then went on to explain further on the point system he wanted for immigration. “Then for men, we would just use net worth and set a threshold of a minimum of maybe a million dollars or so. Besides, there are only two numbers a man has that women care about, the one up here and the one down there…” the President emphasized with hand gestures pointing up then down, “… your IQ and your wallet!” The President ended his joke with an awkward wink. 

The President added before he entered his awaiting motorcade, “And just to be clear, if Melania doesn’t get an invitation soon, we will enforce strong trade sanctions on the Brexit thing!”